POLITE INSULTS FROM HISTORY ~

  These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!

1. “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;

Bring a friend, if you have one.”

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

 

“Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second…If there is one.”

– Winston Churchill, in response.

 

2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.”

· “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

 

3. “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

 

4. “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”

– Clarence Darrow

 

5. “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”

– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

 

6.”Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”

– Moses Hadas

 

7. “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

– Mark Twain

 

8. “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..”

– Oscar Wilde

 

9. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”

– Stephen Bishop

 

10.”He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”

– John Bright

 

11. “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”

– Irvin S. Cobb

 

12. “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”

– Samuel Johnson

 

13. “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”

– Paul Keating

 

14. “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”

– Charles, Count Talleyrand

 

15. “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”

– Forrest Tucker

 

16. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

– Mark Twain

 

17. “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

– Mae West

 

18. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”

– Oscar Wilde

 

19. “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… For support rather than illumination.”

– Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

 

20. “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”

– Billy Wilder

 

21. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”

– Groucho Marx.

 

22.”He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

– Winston Churchill