From Davya
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”—Al McGuire
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”—Albert Einstein
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”—Ambrose Bierce
“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”—Andy Borowitz
“At every party there are two kinds of people—those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”—Ann Landers
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”—Ashleigh Brilliant
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”—Benny Hill
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”—Bill Watterson
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”—Caroline Rhea
“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”—Casey Stengel
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”—Dave Barry
“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.”—Emo Philips
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”—George Burns
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”—Benjamin Franklin
